Normally I would have already been at work (my days off are Thursday and Friday), but I took Sunday off for the wedding party (which I missed) and Saturday off because of how I was feeling (and because it was already on the books, for some reason).
Last night the pain was bad enough that I was using the down-on-all-fours labor position, breathing through it and getting light-headed. I took a pregnancy test to rule out ectopic pregnancy (negative), and decided to call the gyne today if it continued.
So while I’m able to be a mostly upright human being today, my head is splitting open and I am unsure of how bad things may get today. I can already feel that bone-deep pain creeping down my legs, so my guess is “not awesome”.
And there’s a presidential debate tonight, so I know I’m going to want to fall over before the night is through.
And then, what should be a ray of hope: Boyfriend has mistakenly been given today off. Boyfriend offers to work my shift so I can stay home on FMLA.
Problem, you say? What problem?
Well, there’s guilt: we are beyond short staffed at work and can use everyone. Plus, why should he have to cover me because I have cramps? And I feel like I’ve abandoned the rest of the crew.
There’s fear and shame: Last week was so bad I tried to stand up to talk to a boss and almost fell over. This prompted many questions on his part that I was flustered, and I could have dodged but decided “oh fuck it” and told him the truth. Then he looked flustered. And I am afraid of getting so bad, like I used to, that I have to be taken home, or have people asking me all the time what’s going on and looking and feeling like shit at work, where I am supposed to be strong and indifferent.
So where does it stand? I’ll probably post this, and then get in the shower and go to work, like a good little soldier. Don’t expect me to dress nice, though.
What about you? What does it take for you to stay home or back out of events? How do you feel about it?