… And little to show.
A few weeks ago, at the behest of my surgeon, I went to a urogynecologist to get checked out. He concluded that my muscles and pelvic floor are just fine, but had me undergo a cystoscopy due to my random pains.
A relatively short procedure once he actually proceeded, I felt like a cow up on the hooks. The chair I had to lay in must be left over from the worst of the “put your legs up to your head and push” labor rooms. Strapped in, open, vulnerable. So mechanical. It took a little over an hour from iodine to clean-up time. I was able to see the inside of my bladder in real-time, which would have been more exciting if the damn scope hadn’t been scraping me at the time. (The muscle spasms I had for a few days afterward were no picnic either, but they gave me an analgesic for that and I made good use of it.)
And the result?
Everything’s fine in the bladder, thank the universe (there had been a question if the endo had grown into my bladder). The urogyne’s conclusion: “Whatever [I’m] feeling obviously is coming from the outside of the bladder, something pushing and pulling from the pelvic cavity. Go back to your surgeon. You can come back here and hang out, but I’m not going to charge you a co-pay, because there’s nothing I can do for you.” Good man.
And after jumping though all the hoops and landing at the same place, guess what? PCOS doctor had me schedule surgery, then he said he won’t do a hysteroscopy at the same time as the laparoscopy. Then he calls and refers me to UNC-Chapel Hill’s pelvic pain & gyne surgery wing, and to Mayo Clinic (where they failed to help me when I moved to this town for that one reason alone four years ago). The doctor at Mayo he wants me to see doesn’t take my insurance, but he feels that seeing her would be worth the money for another opinion. Same with going to North Carolina. Easy for him to say; he has a savings account!
Of course, he says, if they say I don’t need surgery then they’ll have better options for managing my pelvic pain (like an on-staff psychiatrist). If they agree that I do need another lap., then he’ll be happy to do the surgery. (Which is what he said when I went to the urogyne.)
As I like to say, we are DONE, SON. I am canceling my surgery date with him completely, but will take his fever for second and third opinions and go elsewhere. He’s nudging me out since he thinks he can’t do anything else for me and has been so obviously unwilling to do the surgery in the first place. I wonder what he really thinks of me? Every pelvic check produces several spots of intense pain, but that’s not good enough for his standards. He believes that there should be one spot he touches and I say “Yes! That’s it! That’s the spot of all my pain!” Which is ridiculous, because it wasn’t like that the first two times and we all know how that worked out. He makes me feel like I’m That Crazy Girl, the kind of person who gets off by having something really wrong with them — as if I have Munchausen Syndrome. Nothing I say convinces him otherwise.
I’d wanted to post about my qualms after scheduling Lap. No. 3, but since things have changed I figured I should go on and tell you about the cysto as well.
Thanks, everyone, for reading and posting. I will be answering back to you in turn.
It can’t just be me, right? Other people have to feel this way too.