A place for endometriosis survivors & supporters, and all that goes with it.

Day 29: Lost day

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I want to blame my boss splitting my days off for being so tired and out of synch, but I don’t know if that’s fair.

Eh, who said life was fair?

Got up exceptionally late after another fun night of getting to bed late and not sleeping well. I keep having vivid dreams, several involving former boyfriends. I guess it’s on my mind lately?

Despite big plans of working out, cleaning and fixing my dishwasher, I was lucky to get an hour at the gym and a shower in before going to dinner at 8:30 with my friend Jenn and her husband. After the gym I sat down on my bed and apparently fell asleep, missing an essential phone call from Jenn about the time of the dinner. Weird.

Today is basically the deadline for signing up for doula training this coming weekend and I have certainly taken my sweet time about registering. Part of the reticence is financial: We just received a company-wide pay cut and now, after 2.5 years with the same company, I’m making 46 cents more than when I first started here. Jenn, who is working on her master’s in public administration, compared it to grad school — there’s never really a great time for it. I explained my hesitance to go for it to Jenn as being largely emotional (due to potential TTC bitterness), and that is true to an extent … except that, when talking with my 8-months-pregnant coworker who also has endo, she let me feel the fundus and feel her daughter as she rolled in her stomach, beneath my hands. And I walked away so excited, knowing that this was a field for me.

I kept that feeling close to me as I paid for the classes online and will continue to remember why I’m enrolling: for women’s choice in healthcare, as well as to give myself a better future as I better other women’s experiences.

Birthing babies, starting Friday morning!

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Author: endosucks

Endometriosis sucks. I'm here to help. on.fb.me/endosucks twitter.com/endosucks endosucks.wordpress.com

2 thoughts on “Day 29: Lost day

  1. I give you many kudos for pursuing becoming a doula. Being that I’ve struggled with ttc, I don’t know how well I would do in that field. I hope being able to help others will erase ahead of time any potential ttc bitterness. Two thumbs up!

  2. Well …

    At age 24, I was given a rather dour prognosis that I was a high-risk pregnancy because of the endo and PCOS, would require IVF (several rounds of Clomid failed to create even one egg anywhere close to being released) and still would be more a “Do you want to do this?” rather than a “Can you do this?” situation because of the inherent danger and my moral objections to passing endometriosis on to my daughters. No matter how many times someone tells me “They’ll probably have a cure for endo by the time your daughters hit puberty!” I have very little belief that it’s a) on the top of the medical community’s list, considering *how great* they’re doing with AIDS and cancer, and b) worth the risk of seeing the same hurt in my child’s face when I knew better.

    On top of it, miscarriage after being sexually assaulted in college still is an unhappy memory. Funnily enough, I’m not bitter about that, but grateful, because I couldn’t really handle dealing with what had happened at the time and definitely would not have continued the pregnancy. My body may be confused, but in that case, it knew what to do. It’s just ironic that it could have been my one and only pregnancy.

    I used to work in rape response and public health care, so I have A LOT of experience in the gyne world and pretty much nothing fazes me. I do have lingering questions and some sadness about my reproductive future, but all will be revealed when I’m ready for it.

    I do so hope you’ve enjoyed your unintentional foray into the Stories Nobody Wants to Hear Hour. ;)

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